Let me being by saying I love my kids. Today we took a quick trip to Publix to pick up a few items. Also, since when is it ever "quick" with kids? I digress. Anyway, we got a race car buggy and set on our merry way. About halfway through, Kate accidentally caught Jack's eyeball with her nail. He was crying, she was singing....Anyway, I told him he could get out of the cart and walk with me. He always stays close and pretty much listens to directions. Kate on the other hand is a terrible listener and does not stay with me. Ergo, she is not allowed out of the cart in several places. I was at the deli counter getting some turkey and she started flipping out crying, tears, back-arching and all to get out and walk like Jack. I calmly said no every minute or so and sat her down back in the seat (as she was standing and could have fallen out). Her safety and my sanity were the reasons I do not allow her out of the cart.
A woman approaches and says, "I am a grandma and she is sad. You should pick her up." I said no that she is exerting her will and I am not going to let her out. Let me remind you that I was not terribly pleased with the Kate tantrum either. Kate was screaming, I was embarrassed and wanted to go, but I needed to get my last item. The woman then said, "Your parents would be upset that you wouldn't pick her up." I said no, that they wouldn't give in to her anyway. I am somewhat "scoff" laughing and trying to sit Kate back down in her seat. She then says, "Well, I have had a lot of kids and I know more than you." I was like, "what" and thinking, did she really just say that to me? I laughed it off and continued to the checkout counters.
I was perturbed to say the least and reassured myself I was making the right decision. We were halfway to the counters and Kate was still flipping out. I stopped the cart and told her to sit down, in a calm voice. I then said, "when we get to the checkout line, you may get out". This wasn't a negotiation. Not, if you stop crying, but that was my original plan anyway. They are not running like crazy there and everyone is safe. She immediately said OK, sat down and shut off the tears and crying. I let her get out at the checkout and they were both just fine.
While loading my groceries on the conveyor belt, another woman says, "Excuse me, I think you handled that whole situation very well." She didn't hear the other lady, but saw me dealing with Kate. I said thank you and told her that I had to let her know who the boss was, me. I didn't feel completely vindicated from the other woman's feelings, but felt confident that the decision I made to overcome my embarrassment and Kate's will was the right decision. We paid for our stuff and as I was loading my groceries, a man came up to me and said, "what did you promise her (meaning Kate)?" I said that when we got to the line she could get out. It wasn't a negotiation. I was in charge. I am the boss.
Here are a few things/thoughts I got from this situation:
- I sinned and thought, "I wonder how that rude lady's kids turned out!?"
- I also thought, if I don't set boundaries now, they will start walking all over me.
- I think God provided that second person who told me I handled it well, confirmation that I did the right thing.
- God gave me these kids to I HAVE to get over what is polite to other people (meaning the tantrum) and my embarrassment to establish that Kate's will, will not win.
- And I thought of this verse, Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Trust me, I fail A LOT at parenting, but with God and consistency, we can make good parenting decisions.
Let me leave you with my tantrumy, strong-willed, cutie Kate in a shirt I shirred for her...
Happy Tuesday!